5.18.2010

Diet... and Demons

Okay, this all started a long time ago… both the diets… and the demons that come to haunt me.

I started dieting at a young age (before you had to be 18 to buy diet pills). My family has always been heavy and my dad’s comment that “if you don’t stay out of the fridge, you will look like a horse” didn’t truly help matters either.

I was always a large girl during school, as I was big-boned. I have broad shoulders and I am tall. I have also been muscular, but none of that is taken into consideration when you step on the scale and don’t fit into the “average” category.  Talk about a blow to the psyche.

In my early 20’s, I came to the realization that if I worked out all the time and didn’t eat, it’s amazing what my body would look like.  I started my journey to hell at that moment.  Oh yeah, I did it… man, and it worked so well. I drank a lot of water, I ate very little, I worked out religiously, I even took caffeine pills. At that point – whatever it would take… I did it – I got down… way down. I was so excited. OMG! Never remember being that thin!  Thin people have so many cooler clothes to wear than us with a few extra pounds!

I had so many people tell me I looked good. Little did they realize what was going on… why tell them… why make them worry?  Yes, I was the smallest I had ever been. Yes, I could feel my hip and pelvic bones, but so what? I was thin!

No one can understand how those things changed my life forever!

Been there, done that

I am going back and looking at the pain I have inflicted. Pain on both myself and others. I know it's not fair, but sometimes it seems like desperate times call for desperate measures.

Eating disorders are dangerous and destructive... and can leave pain in their path. They hurt more than just one person... trust me... been there, done that.

5.15.2010

Welcome to my world

In my world, thing have not always been perfect.  I have taken many paths throughout my journeys and have not always been please with the direction I chose.  I have gone through depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and many other passages of life.  I want to be here to share with others, to help people realize that they are not alone.